Money troubles. Infidelity. Lies. Addiction. Difference. Indifference. Abuse. Boredom. Religious strains. Child rearing differences. Lack of commitment to the marriage. Abandonment. Personality Differences or irreconcilable differences. Differences in personal and career goals. Different expectations about household tasks. Interference from parents or in-laws. Lack of maturity. Intellectual Incompatibility. Sexual Incompatibility. Insistence of sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal growth. Falling out of love. Cultural and lifestyle differences. Inability to deal with each others petty idiosyncrasies. Mental Instability or Mental Illness. Criminal behavior and incarceration for crime....FAILURE TO FIGHT!!!
Did you ever notice that all love stories end when the prince and princess marry and ride off into the sunset? Sunshine, smiles and handsome lads. Or the man and woman are at the alter and there are tin can's dangling from their bumper. Once the rice is thrown and everyone cheers and waves, tin cans go dinking down the street behind the car of the happy new couple. This is where the credits start to roll.
Only Lifetime for Women movies start at the wedding. La dee da...everyone's happy at the wedding. Oooh, the bride is so beautiful. The new husband is a sweety pie and the Mother-in-Law is her new best friend. The birds chirp. The angels come down from heaven and bless this union. And then, life happens. The wife starts to ___________________(insert bad behavior from above) and the husbands starts to __________________(insert another bad behavior from above). Heck, the husband and wife also_________________, ______________, and ___________________. This movie's gonna be a doozy. They always are.
Such is marriage. Even with a strong and loving marriage, there are differences. We marry, go on our honeymoon, and then go home. That's where the marriage truly begins. No person is perfect, but when you put two imperfect people together...for life...it would be pretty silly to expect sunshine and lollipops. Now, that's not to say that a marriage can't be beautiful and wonderful because it certainly can. Most of us have to grow into that.
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret
Years of experiences woven together make for a strong bond. I can't imagine giving up all the moments we shared because we aren't willing to accept our shortcomings and change. I know that we have many "learning experiences" yet to live and I don't want to start over. I want to take all those mini experiences, weave them together and fight hard for our marriage. Hopefully, after hard work, compromise, and practicing forgiveness, we find that happy medium place where bad habits and annoying behavior learn to appreciate (or deal with) each other.
You will hear many "rules" about how to have a good marriage, but in my book, there is only one. Never stop fighting for your marriage. Take your vows seriously and be willing to work hard. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm being a good and devoted wife or just plain stupid. Addiction has plagued our marriage and given us our fair share of drama. Financial troubles have been the result of our lack of communication and immaturity. We have encountered in-law "help" and had to deal with each others brooding and stubborn behaviors. Oh, and it doesn't end there. We are so dysfunctional, but we do it well.
Matthew 7:4 How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Something inside me keeps me praying and full of hope that we can get over ourselves and be led by a greater love. Over the years, all of our flaws have been exposed to each other, much to our own humiliation. I have learned that always criticizing him gave me a free ticket to not look at my own messed up life. Sure, HE has more problems than me (LOL), but what good would it do to drag and nag and become his old hag. Once I quit being his Mother (eww) and started being his partner, my flaws surfaced like a volcano. How disgusting was my overeating, my temper tantrums, my critical nature and my untreated depression. God help me...I don't even want to be married to me.
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| This is my brain realizing I'm flawed. |
Lift him up and hope he leads the way I need him to be. A strong man will want to be the leader in his home. He will want to be the bread winner and the respected head of household. We are kind of old fashioned when it comes to marriage. We both like the idea of him working and me being here to take care of the kiddos and clean the house. We are not perfect, but we fight hard for it. Sometimes, the fight is unbearable. Sometimes, it's so hard, it's hard to look at him and love him at the same time. Through the good times and the bad, we work hard at communication and compromise and we are constantly trying to prioritize what's important.
I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar! ~ The Odd Couple
Fighting for your marriage is a conscience decision. Be smart and pick your spouse wisely for you will look at him or her for the rest of your life. Know in your heart when the situation deems divorce, please don't put yourself in harms way. Understand that marriage is such a blessing when two people choose to be honest and loving and devote themselves to each other. Fighting for your marriage will be one of the most rewarding challenges of your life.
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