Lesson #14. What you need to know about first love.

There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.  ~Francois

Oh, the first love.  You're going to have one, that's inevitable.  Will it be unforgettable? Probably not.  If you Google 'first love', there are about 334,000,000 matches.  Does that tell you something?  Word is, that it can even set the tone for future relationships.  In my case it really didn't, but I think my first was a one of a kind, don't find them around each corner, kind of person.  Your first love will be super special to you too.  Not only while you're experiencing all your firsts, but for a long time to follow.

I've always considered myself lucky to have had the first I did.  To the best of my knowledge, he was good to me.  I say it that way because I was young, totally in love and probably saw past a lot of things that I shouldn't have.  In my eyes, he was perfect.  Flawed, but perfectly flawed.   I would wish that everyone could be so fortunate.   He was cute and goofy and driven, but he also made me feel safe and as though I could conquer the world...the entire world.  He was my first love, my first kiss, and my first FIRST.  How can you forget THAT person?!?! 

 He may not have set the tone for my future relationships, but he absolutely shaped me into the person I am today.  We were as opposite as opposite can get.  I was shy...he could be heard in the next town.  I was the onlooker...he was being watched.  I was worried...he was free.  My parents held a tight leash on me...he didn't live with his parents. The lessons I learned from him have stuck with me even pushing 20 years later. 

So, what is today's message?  If there was anything I could teach you about first love, it's this.

• Pray that you get a good one.  Make a wise choice.  We're going to talk about your first sexual encounter in a later post, so for now, I will leave it as this.  Make sure you want to remember this person forever.  Is he worth space in your brain?  No matter how hard you try, there will be this little corner in your head that will have him burned into place.
• Enjoy, but don't overindulge.  Probably an impossible feat, but nonetheless, important. It is so easy to let our first love become our entire world.  You want to be with him all the time and if you aren't with him, you're thinking about him.  Sometimes, it's hard to fall asleep because thinking of him is better than any dream you could have.  Leave yourself space for friends.  They probably won't want to date him as well.
• Memories are golden, but don't let it run your life.  When I looked up info on first loves, there are all sorts of people who reunite after 20 or 30 years.  That's unlikely and there is probably a good reason you aren't together anymore.  When I got married, I had a little "get rid of stuff" party in my parents garage.  I had to let the letters and memorabilia go.  It has no place in future relationships. 

I still think about him from time to time.  I always wonder if he's OK and whether he married or had kids.  I think about the first time the rumble of his Firebird pulled into my driveway.  I remember watching the planes take off and planning our escape from reality.  I remember the first note I ever passed him and our first kiss. I swear I remember everything. His birthday, phone number, his LOCKER COMBINATION...holy crap!  Sometimes, I wonder if he ever thinks of me, but I think what I remember of him would say he's onto bigger and better things.  And, of course, I remember how heart wrenching it was when I saw him for the last time...knowing that I would never see him again.

 

I had a great time with my first love.  In many ways he set me free from my own inhibitions. He taught me how to enjoy being goofy and free without forgetting our responsibilities.  I always felt safe and special when I was with him.   He was patient with me when he needed to be and pushy when I needed to be pushed. There was a time in my life that I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.  No other person I've dated ever came close to the special bond between us, but he was my first love after all!   He is one relationship that I've always been proud of and don't feel ashamed of.  I exposed myself completely and know that I only gained from the experience.  I have no regrets about my first love.  I pray that you meet someone as special and magical as mine.  

Thanks, Chad.  You changed my life for the better. 

You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.   ~Unknown