Lesson #25. Follow through.

You mustn't attempt to will anything.
You need only be willing.

 
Let's just be clear about something. Follow through is something that I suck at. I'm a great planner, idea developer, dream come-up-with-er, but actually following through with those plans is a sour topic for me. I seriously think my low self esteem stems from this self created identity of failure. At some point in time, I decided that I wouldn't follow through and it's not working.  If I had actually done all the things I planned on, my life would look tremendously different. 

For one thing, I'd be skinny. I have come up with so many weight loss plans and charts that I have never used. I've bought books, videos, signed up for Weight Watchers, joined gyms, registered on weight loss websites, but never last for long. I've made excuses and not given myself the chance to succeed at being healthy. And, alas, I'm still a fatty.

I'd also be the proud owner of my own business. I've had business and product ideas that I know would be successful. I've written partial business plans in which I have come to a road block and quit rather than finding a way. I could write a novel on why none of them could work, but then I see products and service that are, frankly, ridiculous....and I know that I didn't give myself the chance at success I deserved.

Lastly, I would be a happier person. Not giving myself the chance to succeed has been  devastating. I am angry with the little progress I've made compared to where I know I could and should be. I tell myself all the time that "NOW" is the time to change and start following through on plans and ideas, but the day then passes.
 

I hear myself and my kids...."Quit moaning and groaning and do it!"  I think it's fabulous that I see you kids sticking it out when the going gets tough.  I hear Charlie's little child voice wondering why Mommy complains about things she can change. I wonder too. And then I plunk my fanny down and give up again with the promise of tomorrow coming. We know how that story ends. 10:30 PM, in bed, wishing I had done just one thing for the better.

What if there is no tomorrow? It's happens.

I'm starting over in many ways right now and have realized with the help of God that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. There is a lesson in the pain of obesity and not being able to pay the bills. There is a lesson is missed opportunity and bad attitudes. There is a lesson is setting our grand goals and expecting to wake up in the morning having completed them. The biggest lesson I've learned in the past couple weeks at Mountain Lake Church is that I have this view of where I should be, in society's eyes. I've realized that I have been successful. I have completed some of what I set out to accomplish.

I always wanted to be a Mom. Jane, Alice and Charlie, you have proved to be the biggest blessings in my life. For me, there is no option of quitting when it comes to you. There is a balance between doing better than what's expected and only doing what I can all at the same time.  I am so lucky to have brought you into the world and hopefully lead you to a life of happiness.  I need to be more of a leader by example because I know you all are watching me.

For that reason, I step back into this blog, following through on something that is important to me. I commit to taking baby steps and promise to not be discouraged when I don't wake up skinny and rich in the morning. (though it would be treat.)  I want to show myself that if I do follow through, I can find success. Through my success, I hope that you will see that although life isn't easy it is what we make of it.  Noone can wish themselves into the person they want to become. Noone can accomplish without action. 

Follow through even if it takes a few tries before it happens. Gods timing isn't always what we want, but know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. For me, I'm OK with where I am because I know that my victory will be more appreciated. Perhaps, I had to dip this low to strengthen me for the road ahead. Perhaps, I had to see what I don't want before I could truly choose what I do want.

You my friend, can achieve any dreams you want, if you follow through. Find something you REALLY love, work with it & I guarantee you, you will finish it like no other.    ~Kristen Farah